CDC Discusses Zombie Apocalypse Thanks to Sightings of 'Undead'

Seriously. After a series of bizarre attacks that made news during the past weeks, the Centers for Disease Control felt compelled to address people's concerns about the possibilities of an impending Zombie Apocalypse.

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On the CDC Site, under a heading of "Emergency Preparedness and Response" is a subhead called "Social Media: Peparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse." There's a tongue-in-cheek novella shown there called "Zombie Pandemic" which "demonstrates the importance of being prepared in an entertaining way that people of all ages will enjoy." You can follow along with the adventures of "Todd, Julie, and their dog Max as a strange new disease begins spreading, turning ordinary people into zombies."

The CDC wasn't expecting any Zombie Pandemics to occur when they published the novella, but it's a really neat way to appeal to folks on the importance of being prepared in an emergency.

And that was that... up until this past week when a series of particularly gruesome events made sensational headlines that seemed to indicate that we were in the midst of a Zombie Apocalypse and no amount of Twinkie weaponry would be sufficient.

Time.com creates a time-line starting with the May 26th episode in Miami during which a man attempted to chew off the face of a homeless man; he was shot dead after growling at police. Reports are that he was high on bath salts. Not exactly a Zombie-fying disease.

Every bit as weird is the report of a New Jersey man who stabbed himself repeatedly, then "threw bits of flesh" (and perhaps entrails) at police when they tried to subdue him. According to NBC New York, as of May 31, he was in critical condition at an area hospital and mental illness or drug abuse was suspected as the cause of the incident.

Another incident from Baltimore in the cannibalistic slaying of his roommate, and the accounts of a bear who ate a convicted murderer rounded up a series of potential evidence pointing to a Pandemic for sure.

We can all stand down from preparedness on that front, however. The CDC says there is no Apocalypse. 

“CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms,” David Daigle, a spokesman for the CDC told The Huffington Post

He dismissed the possibility of Dr. Steven C. Schlozman's fictional disease Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency as the culprit.

Some folks just don't want to take the chance that the CDC might be wrong, so if you still have concerns, you might want to check out ehow.com's "How To Fight Zombies."

Clearly written by professionals and those "who would know." Always remember their warning:

Although zombie fighting is often fun, it can be dangerous. Observe all standard safety rules when using guns and swords. The undead are no excuse for personal irresponsibility!

Seen any zombies lately?? Tell us in the comments!

average joe June 09, 2012 at 07:10 PM
Warning June 09, 2012 at 09:20 PM
They're here
renegaderiot13 June 09, 2012 at 09:58 PM
When people realize that it isn't a joke or a hoax, there will be pandemonium as people, kill, loot and steal. Prepare NOW instead of when everyone else realizes it and you're murdered for a box of Twinkies and a jug of Ozarka.
Troy Thompson June 09, 2012 at 10:05 PM
I've been forecasting this for a long time and always keep a bug-out bag handy. I already have my island picked out as well. There, I'll be able to have an abundance of fresh drinking water, room for crops, and a wealth of wild protein. Twinkies and other necessities (while they last) would be clandestinely-gathered from the surrounding areas and accessed via boat. Of course, this plan hinges on zombies not being able to swim. If the undead can indeed walk under water like in the first 'Pirates of the Caribbean', I'll have to re-evaluate my strategy. Since that wasn't a Romero flick, and the pirates suffered from a curse and not an actual infection, I'm inclined to chalk the 'Pirate' sequence up to creative license and maintain that real zombies don't like water.
Lyle Brennan June 09, 2012 at 10:52 PM
i have heard about a prodicament in florida i believe to where a body came up on the beach and only five people saw this. they brought the sheriff over and when they went over to the body, confirmed it was dead and he walked away to call the morgue. as he walked away a little girl snook by and proceeded towards the body and started poking it with a stick. the dead body rose and grabbed the girl by the arm. she slipped away screaming. sheriff turns around hearing the screams and saw the dead body rise to its feet. he shot the body in the chest cavity three times and the last one to the head. as it finally fell they all were relieved. the CDC tried to cover but the internet is something no one can really cover. and there you go
Troy Thompson June 10, 2012 at 04:25 AM
I still maintain zombies don’t particularly like water, but this shows they can at least traverse it somehow. I doubt zombies possess the muscular coordination to actually ‘swim’, so either it walked underwater a la ‘Pirates’, or it just bobbed along with the prevailing currents. Either way, the ordeal seemed to have left it incapacitated for a short while after exiting the water. This would imply that a routine shoreline patrol should provide a fairly decent layer of protection to catch the underwater walkers. Zombies slowly bobbing along with the prevailing current would be the preferable scenario for obvious reasons. This helps confirm my island plan is still a good option, though a few modifications might have to be incorporated. Thanks!
CrustPunkSteve June 10, 2012 at 09:33 PM
and how about all the empty graves? last I heard theyre were 29 missing bodies in uganda, and 40 in pakistan... where are all the AWOL stiffs? are they munching on people?
Derrick Williams (Editor) June 11, 2012 at 05:47 PM
Tyler, your comment has been deleted as it violated our Terms of Service for vulgarity.
James West June 11, 2012 at 09:00 PM
I already bought Zombie, Alien and Paranormal Insurance at www.thezappfiles.net so I'm safe!! The Z.A.P.P. (Zombie Apocalypse Prevention and Protocols) Files newsletters are helping me prepare for the oncoming hordes of undead. Their credo of Remember Your Training! Be Informed! Stay Alive! says it all!!
Timothy B. Pearce July 05, 2012 at 03:05 PM
Is this a joke? Are you all serious?
James Casselman July 06, 2012 at 07:02 AM
I wouldn't define "zombies" as the dead coming back to life, but more in the lines of a disease or being exposed to something that drives you crazy and makes you try to eat people.( an example of this is a drug you call LSD [also acid] makes you see things that arent real, if you feel like your being watched you could start to see things move and you feel like you need to defend yourself. You could end up hurting yourself or others). Troys comment "zombies not liking water " I think that even if you were to become a zombie you would still be able to swim and opperate machinery (aka boats) because your brain would still be active or else you wouldn't be able to move. In all reality we wouldn't be able to tell the difference between us and them. unless we saw them eating someone ; ) This is just my opinion on the "zombie" apocalypse.
James Casselman July 06, 2012 at 07:04 AM
and what would make them only eat us, wouldn't they try to eat each other as well.
Sabrina July 10, 2012 at 03:36 PM
the great thing about all this zombie hype now is people are already creating zombie proof fortresses and then selling them millions of dollars thinking its dumb but I can get rich. The thing that the people creating these homes and buying these home overlooked, is that if there is an outbreak of some sort and its kill or be killed they forget that the people already owning rifles, handguns and other various deadly weapons won't give a $hit that you just spent 4.2 million dollars on the place! It's large, well protected and it has a self sustaining farm, solar panels ooh and a hottub!!! In the face of a pandemic I would soooo take my guns and take the place over and use it as a refuge area, we ahve everything food, water, power, and a heck of alot of watchtowers. oh yea, thanks you money grubbing little weasles!
Malak'kai Maxwell July 10, 2012 at 10:38 PM
You let me know where you're headed & I'll bring my guns and girlss and we can live out this Zombacolypse.
T.D. "Darby" O'guill July 11, 2012 at 06:12 PM
Zombies like the ones in the horror movies, are not real! However, just like vampires, werewolves, etc, there are historical facts related to many oof these entities! "Zombies", or the walking dead, have been discussed thoughout history. The CDC knows the facts about some of these cases,due to medically confirmed cases of viruses and various drugs, with Zombie-like symptoms! They will make light, very light, of anything that comes thru the CDC which may result in providing proof of a 'Zombie-like-outbreak of any kind. After all, it is ran by our US government! The elete cover-up agency on the planet! What everyone 'should' be preparing for, is the collapse of our government, and the takeover of our country from within! Our economy is spiralling out of control, and soon the "Little People" are going to get tired of getting screwed, and fight back! Then it will be an 'apocalypse' beyond the movies! Prepare Now!
banata July 24, 2012 at 07:55 AM
Bilbo Baggins July 24, 2012 at 09:49 PM
Every one shut up if u think tht there is a disease that kills you then brings u back to life then waste millions of dollars protecting urself from a fictional force tht u thinkwill bite ur pretty little face off then be my guest and wouldnt u think it would be all ovr the news if there was any sort of zombie threat and there would be guys from the military blocking tht place off so noone could get in or out i mean why is everyone freaking out about people tht are intoxicated
Charli July 26, 2012 at 01:18 AM
Well I think that if there is some sort of disease the CDC and government arent going to tell us about it until all hell breaks loose. But of course everyone is making money because of these outbreaks on the east coast, people are buying weapons and anything to protect themselves, also all of the zombie merchandise and what not. I do believe that something is happening here, and when it does and all you people that think everyone is on drugs because we think something might happen and we are prepared, dont be all mad when we have to shoot you cause your trying to eat our faces off!! Only the smart and strong will survive!!
Myname Isnotimportant August 06, 2012 at 12:27 PM
Anyone remember the N1H1 scare and the whole deal with twholesome who created the vaccine wouldn't take it. That strain was said to have perhaps had origins in a lab. I always knew there was something not right about that whole situation.
Zombie Proof August 08, 2012 at 03:17 PM
I agree with the CDC's approach 100%. If you prepare yourself and your family for a zombie invasion, then you will be prepared for literally anything. There are many, many helpful items at your local hardware store or Walmart that will help you out, but you will need specialized provisions that are not typically available in local retail stores. Visit www.zombieprooftactical.com for an idea of what you might need to survive!
Josh August 18, 2012 at 08:18 PM
All of yall are idiots. God is coming back and that is it.. As much fun as it would be there is not going to be a zombie apocalypse. Get right with the Lord before it is too late.
Jessica August 20, 2012 at 10:06 PM
Yall just better prepare for jesus coming back. If there are zombies walking around then its tribulation and hell is opened. If people would get of the dope they wouldnt be eattin other people. READ REVALATION IN YOUR BIBLE!
kelly mesina August 23, 2012 at 05:05 PM
Just read world war Z... great book :) it even says that by the time the government acknowledges that there is a problem its 2 late...
Pretty S. Bird October 13, 2012 at 03:17 PM
When there's no more room in hell...the dead will walk the earth...
Jim Flaherty December 09, 2012 at 04:06 AM
Rule Number 1 in Zombie land. Anyone, You are guys are funny.
jb March 11, 2013 at 04:55 AM
jb March 11, 2013 at 05:00 AM
Nastradamus predicted he hannible like beings also in africa there is a epodemic going on about zombie like behavior also now r goverment is decising on our gun laws really put the puzzle together people I'm scared I don't know how people can b excited about this
jb March 11, 2013 at 05:00 AM
Scarry stuff if u ask me
Chelsely Becker June 19, 2013 at 11:55 AM
Ok, why would the CDC or the Government tell us this when they know for a fact that if they tell us, people are gonna go crazy, I was reading the artical and it said the CDC doesn't know of any dieases that could turn us. They don't know YET how many new illnesses do we hear on the news? Of course they don't know.
Cynthia Parker September 23, 2013 at 07:57 PM
People. please use your brains! Throughout history, in every major disaster with many fatalities, most of the fatalities were people who were unaware and unprepared. The ones who survive are usually very, very lucky, OR prepared in some way. The CDC is using a fun, kooky way to get you thinking and hopefully preparing, so that you can be one of the survivors. Personally, I look at it this way; if you DON'T prepare, that's more for me and my family!


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